Dial up the crisis hotline. or
Cue me up a podcast that will help me learn to cope
Because I have got a serious problem.
Allow me to illustrate.
As you walk through my front door, this is what you will see:
A series of four big jungly plants standing in a row and soaking up sunshine along my living room window. Each plant is supposed to be crisp and distinct; the overall effect is designed to be orderly and clean.
However, there is a fatal flaw in the execution of this plan that becomes quite apparent when you look a bit closer.
Several dozen interlopes have wandered in.
You name it
During the dark Pacific Northwest winter, these invaders have all come here seeking a place in the sunny south side window. In order to fit them all in, a second table has been wedged in behind the first, and still plants overflow onto the floor. Together, they create a muddled, unseemly mess and I don't like how this looks at all.
But let's be honest. These plants didn't walk in here on their own. I stashed them here because they desperately needed more sun than they were getting elsewhere in the house. And as much as I like to pretend that someday I will move them back, I also know that is not true. These plants simply will not thrive anywhere but here, and that gives me a huge problem.
I have more plants than my house can handle.
Not one or two more plants.
At least twenty too many.*
I hear what you're saying.
Give them away.
Find new owners on Craigslist or pass them out to your friends.
Lots of people would love a free plant.
They will be happy in their new homes
And I see the wisdom of that. But I can't.
They are my children, my gorgeous leafy and sometimes prickly green children, and they love living here in this glorious sunshine.
I can't part with them. But I can't live with them like this either.
And so I contemplate my problem and try out new arrangements and consider buying grow lights, and those are all reasonable ways to resolve this mess.
But here comes the dysfunctional part.
I want to buy more plants.
Oh yes, I do.
And if someone doesn't come and take away my debit card, or possibly break my arm, I'm going out on Monday to buy one more plant.
And when I say one, I probably mean five.
So please, someone tell Doctor Freud to fluff the pillows on his couch and keep the inkblots handy because I truly, desperately need help.
* There are at least ten more interloping plants currently being held in my bathtub upstairs. I don't know what to do with them, either.
* * * * *
In my opinion, you can never have too many succulents, and you can never have too many stories about succulents. Here are a few to choose from: