Saturday, January 13, 2018

Confessions Of A Crazy Plant Lady

Page Doctor Freud.
Dial up the crisis hotline. or
Cue me up a podcast that will help me learn to cope

Because I have got a serious problem.
With houseplants.

Allow me to illustrate.

As you walk through my front door, this is what you will see:

A series of four big jungly plants standing in a row and soaking up sunshine along my living room window. Each plant is supposed to be crisp and distinct; the overall effect is designed to be orderly and clean.

However, there is a fatal flaw in the execution of this plan that becomes quite apparent when you look a bit closer.

Several dozen interlopes have wandered in. 

Tree types
You name it

During the dark Pacific Northwest winter, these invaders have all come here seeking a place in the sunny south side window. In order to fit them all in, a second table has been wedged in behind the first, and still  plants overflow onto the floor. Together, they create a muddled, unseemly mess and I don't like how this looks at all. 

But let's be honest. These plants didn't walk in here on their own. I stashed them here because they desperately needed more sun than they were getting elsewhere in the house. And as much as I like to pretend that someday I will move them back, I also know that is not true. These plants simply will not thrive anywhere but here, and that gives me a huge problem. 

I have more plants than my house can handle. 

Not one or two more plants.

At least twenty too many.*

I hear what you're saying. 

Give them away. 
Find new owners on Craigslist or pass them out to your friends. 
Lots of people would love a free plant. 
They will be happy in their new homes

And I see the wisdom of that. But I can't.

They are my children, my gorgeous leafy and sometimes prickly green children, and they love living here in this glorious sunshine.

I can't part with them. But I can't live with them like this either. 

And so I contemplate my problem and try out new arrangements and consider buying grow lights, and those are all reasonable ways to resolve this mess.

But here comes the dysfunctional part. 

I want to buy more plants. 

Oh yes, I do.

And if someone doesn't come and take away my debit card, or possibly break my arm, I'm going out on Monday to buy one more plant.

And when I say one, I probably mean five. 

So please, someone tell Doctor Freud to fluff the pillows on his couch and keep the inkblots handy because I truly, desperately need help.

* There are at least ten more interloping plants currently being held in my bathtub upstairs. I don't know what to do with them, either. 

* * * * *

In my opinion, you can never have too many succulents, and you can never have too many stories about succulents. Here are a few to choose from:


  1. Replies
    1. The years have passed but my obsession rages on. In fact, I bought a new plant TODAY!


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