Sunday, January 31, 2021

Yellow


Hello, yellow. 

If orange is a belly laugh, you are a gentle smile.

If orange gives me a bear hug, you're a soft hand on my arm. 


If orange is a mountain meadow full of bright blooming flowers, you are the pale butterfly that flits from one to the other.

If orange turns cartwheels across the lawn, you're weaving dandelions into a flower crown.


If orange is a six-course meal, you are a perfect midnight snack.

If orange runs a three-ring circus, you turn pirouettes across your own private stage.


If orange is an epic novel that spans the centuries, you are a slim volume of poems. 

If orange sounds like a symphony, you sing a lullaby.

And if I love orange in my life, which I do, I need plenty of you, yellow, to bring me sweet moments of peace. 

Thank you, yellow. 

* * * * *

Read more color stories here:


* * * * *

A poet named Mary Jane, who is also my friend, invited me to write 
a poem a day for eight days in a row. Here I go!


And one more for good measure:


Thursday, January 28, 2021

Orange

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1kox65aj2M9I7-5InHoqEum15MWa46BC8
My kitchen in January

Sunshiney
Golden
Full of sass

Friendly 
Warm-hearted
Ready for a laugh

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1SZy_-krrlUFEAdikMfWenuSF3QBWGdpm
Winter's white is nice and clean, but this year I needed a bump.

Encouraging 
Positive
Always in good cheer

Expressive and 
Creative,
Stimulating, dear.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1H8pIwI4PzVpDeHQbTxW9bXDOjnTppBMp
Pale pink: a perfect counterpoint. 

Compassionate,
Courageous,
Healthy, happy, fun

Not a single word
Do you need
To make a perfect poem.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=14nOTrMX9A9Vmqof7rxqxt7-3Am1cOrTF
Thank you, orange!

* * * * *

Read more color stories here:


* * * * *

A poet named Mary Jane, who is also my friend, invited me to write 
a poem a day for eight days in a row. Here I go!


And one more for good measure:


2020 Ornament Of The Year

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1Ekfsxlu8u1s6gmq9sCj13UGE_jQBVJBR

With a gust of crisp autumn air, she walked in the house and straight to the kitchen where I was cooking dinner.

"Look what I found for you."

She held her cupped hands low to the counter and gently released her treasure.

Pine cones.

Tiny.
Fragile.
Geometrically divine.
Infinitesimally precise.

These were some real beauties. 

If you're into pine cones.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1vWJyzrs8MICYRpgIrTtfeZF7flxhUOxO

I'm into pine cones. 

In fact, just a few days earlier, I'd mused out loud to that very same daughter that after thirty-plus years of making a handmade ornament every single ding-donging Christmas, I'd never based a design on the humble pine cone, and I wondered if maybe this should be the year.

My daughter decided to turn that daydream into action.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1Mx_xDkUvjL4AdJ31ZIyNeNIqQgz6q9n5

From the moment those perfect pine cones rolled out across my kitchen counter, all the construction details fell right into place:

Bake them at 200 degrees for an hour. Because pine cones are one thing but the bugs that live in them are quite another.

Carefully paint their tips. 

White 
Pink
Red
Yellow

Attach a small wooden bead to the base, then thread some looping gold wire.
Tie a bow around the bead.

Done.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1GiDgEy9VD__iG23XWBsinS1oBOFVfFjX

While I'll be the first to say that these are not the most unique or elaborate ornaments I've ever designed, they are full of simple charm.

Which, of course, is one of the nicest things that a Christmas ornament can be. 

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=15QkR5tuBwq-OALQA62Hj7PMsXNmxHKMA

If you would like to have one of my pine cone ornaments for your very own, you're in luck. I have a few extras. 

Just message me your mailing address, and I'll send one off. 
And I may just enclose a note that says, "Look what I found for you."

* * * * *

For more Ornament of the Year posts, check these out:

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Too Many Pom-Poms

Well, here's a decision that backfired on me.

Back in 2018, when I was busily manufacturing my Ornament of That Year, I bought eight different colors of yarn. Way more yarn than I needed.

Gotta have plenty of variety, right?

As I got into the rhythm of production, I figured I might as well just turn every inch of those eight skeins into pom-poms.

No sense in letting the leftovers clutter up the joint, right?

And since I hand out my ornaments to the party people who come to my annual holiday bash, I'd probably give most of them away at the 2019 event. 

That would put the extra pom-poms to good use, right?

Making mad pom-poms seemed like such a good idea at the time that I cranked them out by the dozens. And by the time I was done, I had a backlog of at least a hundred.

Good grief. That's a lot of pom-poms. 

* * * * *

But you know, I think I would have been fine if it hadn't been for that rotator cuff injury.

Remember, back in September of 2019, my dog tried to take me parasailing and I took a bit of tumble. Three months later, as the traditional party date approached, I was still in grit-your-teeth level pain, so we decided to cancel that year's bash.

And we all know what happened in 2020. Another party pooped, thanks to Covid.

So as I sorted through my Christmas gear this past year and came upon my giant stash of pom-poms with nowhere to go, I realized the sad but obvious truth.

I had too many pom-poms.

It was in that moment that I decided to yank them out of cold storage and try to find ways to put my glorious excess to good use. 

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1_51G4xMNio_gYV5uItKzqMb74Ig_v9Jv

First, I gathered up all the members of the muted color clan, ordered up a simple wire wreath frame, and whipped up this pom-pom wreath for my bedroom.

There's no tutorial. I literally just cut off the knots I'd tied to form hanging loops, back in the pom-poms ornament days, and used those longer bits of yard to tie them onto the wire frame. 

I hid the bells already tied to the pom-poms. They were distracting. 

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1NJuv5Lf_iJjP3bplayDdbN0rBct-CTCV 

And here's a delicious irony. Turns out that it takes a surprising number of pom-poms to make a wreath. So I had to actually go out and buy MORE yarn in matching colors to finish this puppy off. 

After I made the fifty or so MORE pom-poms I needed, guess what I did with the remaining bundles of yarn.

No, I did not make seventeen billion more pom-poms! 
This time, I immediately donated the leftover yarn with zero regrets. 

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1vBH-hb4FUHvfGWKVdssdBJGcUGTe27HJ
Making my bed is a daily challenge. The princess likes a proper lie-in.
Also, please note the rawhide bone.

And since this wreath does not scream Christmas, he's been invited to stay up indefinitely. I am very down with his refined palette and cozy winter vibes. 

* * * * *

Now, I was down to a collection of several dozen of the brightly colored specimens. 

As I was out walking my dog one blustery evening, mulling over this pom-pom overpopulation, I stumbled upon several gorgeous felled tree branches, lying literally in the middle my path.

Hmm. I know a sign when I see one. Or two or three. 

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1jcEgizdDRpWNgBghv79GfC3CXZuyJXCd

So I gathered up the branches and brought them home. Plopped into vases - or wedged behind a pot on the front porch - they served my festive fellows well. 

While most of their bright brethren have been retired for the holiday season, these guys by my front door are now officially rebranded as Valentine's Day decorations. 

They'll be staying till March. 
.
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1CSTGUaEVqzJGL0PjZOyg518SVTQWyd-L

* * * * *

Looking back, I've come round to seeing that the decision to go all in on my original pom-pom production wasn't such a terrible idea after all.

What I've learned is that there's actually no such thing as too many pom-poms. 

2019 Ornament Of The Year

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1KN8dqX79DoYir_VgLBERckFrj_2WMiUW
My 2019 Ornament of the Year

The year was 1979 and my life was turning upside down.

I was in the middle of my senior year of college and things were happening quickly.

For reasons I still can't fully explain, I'd settled my accounting major's heart on the dream of working for Arthur Andersen & Co in Chicago. Now mind you, I'd never been to Chicago before. And I knew precious little about AA&Co except that it was the biggest accounting firm in Chi-town and something about it just called to me. 

So keeping my options open by interviewing with most of the then-Big 8 accounting firms, I'd breezed through fall on-campus hurdles, and as soon as my finals wrapped up, I'd hopped a plane to zip over Lake Michigan for three office interviews. Pinching myself, I came home for the holidays with three job offers in my pocket. 

Including one for my dream job.

My mind was in a whirl. But not about my job. I knew with calm certainty that I was destined to take that dream job.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1fUlaxCJonlMoO-PWaDeMp-chjHyoZDZo
My fourth-born's cursive n starts with a distinctive crook at the top, and mine is rather straight. Otherwise, our handwriting looks much the same. 

What was really messing with me was the concept that this was the last Christmas of my childhood.

Oh sure, next year I knew I'd be traveling the 250 miles back home to Michigan for the big day. But my constant preoccupation was this: Next year, I'll be putting up a tree in my happening bachelorette big city apartment, and I have zero ornaments. 

My attention focused on this issue like a laser, and I determined to build myself a suitable collection of ornaments, like, pronto.

{Come to think of it, this is probably why I've spent a lifetime making and giving away Christmas ornaments to my friends and family. I just think it's so important for young people especially to tuck away such treasures for the future, and to know that whenever life rips them from their childhood nest, they'll be ready to celebrate Christmas with at least some tree trimmings.} 

{As it turned out, 1979 was also the year that some friends and I headed to Vail for a few days of skiing between Christmas and New Year's. The quaint shops clustered at the foot of the ski slopes were filled with darling options within reach of my college student budget, and I bought at least a dozen ornaments on that trip. They hang on my tree to this very day.}

So in those precious days leading up to Christmas 1979, I decided to try my hand at making ornaments. 

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1OyiaGOvlXglJCjE8UowG4QipJNwzKqSH
^ I made the red noel in the middle of this photo;my daughter made the silver one below it. I love how we each have our own handwriting style.

Now, my mom was a fifth-grade school teacher, and every holiday she was inundated with gifts from her devoted students and their families. That year, someone gave her a set of cute Christmas-themed cookie cutters - the kind that not only cut out the shape of Santa, for example, but also stamp into the dough the details of his hat, his face, his suit, and even his chunky boots. (Kind of like this.) 

And thus an idea was born.

I whipped up a batch of salt dough, rolled it out on the counter, and used those cookie cutters to cut out stars, snowmen, Christmas trees, as well as the aforementioned Santas. Once they were baked, I painted them, covered them with a clear protective finish, and strung them on silver cord for hanging. 

But as I was working along in that first phase, stamping out the Christmas swag left and right but still staring down a hefty heap of dough, I suddenly had another idea.

Using some old-school Play-Doh skills, I rolled the dough out into a long snake. A long, looooong snake, almost a meter long. And then, looping and coiling the snake back and forth on itself, I wrote out in cursive the word, noel

I baked it along with the other ornaments, then painted it with a simple red stripe along the top of the coil, looping and curving along the length of the letters.

It ended up being adorable. And for many years to come, that cursive salt dough noel earned a prominent place on my Chicago - and then Seattle - Christmas trees. 

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1L0p6VUlXoJJZHwabiglRMBNMYyf26L_z
Here is my noel ornament on my 1983 Christmas tree, near the bottom and slightly to the right. 

Fast forward to 2010. Sadly, salt dough does not last forever, and that year, my noel ornament took a bad fall. I saved the pieces, but despite my best efforts with a bottle of tacky glue, had to accept the fact that this ornament's days were over. 

But wait! I made the first one, so why could I not whip up a replacement?!

Seemed easy enough to implement that idea but for one reason or another, I just couldn't make it happen. 

Until this year. And for Christmas of 2019, the FIFTIETH anniversary of my original creation, I chose a scaled-down version of my noel for my Ornament of the Year. 

I decided few simple design changes were in order. 

  • Instead of rough and ready salt dough, we used a store-bought polymer clay. Easy to use and long lasting. These babies should be good for at least another forty years.   
  • As per the original, we painted a stripe along the top of the letters but mixed it up with a variety of Christmas-y colors.
  • And because I'm now way more of a perfectionist than I used to be, I called in my fourth-born to help. Her incredible fine motor skills and infinite capacity for perfection took the execution of these little gems from good to great. 

* * * * *

I'm happy to honor the long life of my original noel by according it status as an official Ornament of the Year.

I love that my daughter and I brought the old design forward into the new millennium with a few new enhancements.

And  I hope that for many years to come, I'll see this familiar shape on my tree and reminisce about the way it came to be, back in the last Christmas of my childhood. 

The year was 1979.


* * * * *

For more Ornament of the Year posts, check these out:

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Life Of A Math Teacher: Math Mammals

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1hsV4d_IxYDEMoEbBQy4BPBU870bSWPon
Here is Sirius, my ten-year-old tuxedo cat by day. 
But his alternate identity is that of Math Mammal Extraordinaire!

P.S. Get off the counter, you hooligan.


This story begins with a student who struggled to get his head in the game.

Now, this is not a particularly unusual scenario in my line of work. Apparently, teenage brains are not necessarily wired to adore algebra. So when I would show up to lay some teaching on this particular 13-year-old boy, he tended to started slow. During the first few minutes of our class, when I lobbed him some easy questions about, oh say, how to divide fractions or calculate the cube root of -27, he mostly stared at me. I knew he knew what I was asking, but he couldn't quite summon up the brain waves to adequately communicate his answer. As our class time ticked by, slowly but surely, his neurons would begin to hum, and then gradually vibrate with information. By the time our hour was up, he was nimbly zipping through formulas and equations with lightning speed, and releasing his inner Einstein with joy.

After observing this phenomenon at work for several weeks in a row, I stepped gently into a conversation with the student in question. Looking for a way to keep my comments as friendly and inoffensive as possible - because no one likes to be told, Hey, you're slow! - I decided, as I often do, to lean into a metaphor. 

And the first one to leap into my mind was that of a hamster running on a hamster wheel

At the beginning of class, it's like the part of your brain that learns math is a lazy little hamster. He steps into his wheel but at first, can barely move it at all. He struggles and tries but just keeps falling down in an exhausted furry heap at the bottom of the wheel. But he bravely keeps getting back up and trying, and eventually he taps into his energy and gets the wheel moving and ultimately finds that he can run at full speed, with the wheel spinning madly under his tiny pink paws.

The mental picture of this diminutive mammal sleepily crawling out of his warm bed of cedar chips and hauling his unmotivated self into the unpleasant confines of his cold, cruel wheel, dopily incapable of any sort of sustained motion, amused us greatly. 

And it stuck with us.

Over the weeks, we embellished the story, riffing about how Hammy - our affectionate name for this furry friend - spends his down time (watching YouTube) and what motivates him to get moving on the Wheel Of Math Knowledge (food and nearly nothing else.) The story also became a useful metaphor for gauging my student's mindset; when I breezily asked, "How's Hammy today?" my student and I both knew I was really asking if he was ready to concentrate and focus. 

Hammy has grown into a useful member of our math-learning team.

And soon, other students caught on to this magic, and wanted a Hammy of their own. 

So now the beloved OG has a handful of compadres:

Hamrietta the Hamster
Jeff the Squirrel
Squawk the Parrot (a parrot is technically not a mammal but the concept holds)
Lala the Bunny
Chloe the Fox
Hamlet the Hamster

and Jammy the Hamster, who is Hammy's brother.

Obviously.

Some of my students are still mulling over the options, and I'm looking forward to getting a firm lock on their math mammals' identities.

But this game also begs another question. Does the teacher have a math mammal?

And the resounding answer: yes!

My math mammal is a tuxedo cat, in fact, the very same cat who lives in real life at my house.

He has huge owl eyes and distinguished white whiskers and always appears in formal dress, with his white collar crisp and neat under his spotless black jacket.

And whenever I am called upon to teach math - even if you were to shake me out of a sound sleep - my math mammal immediately snaps to attention. He slips into a brown tweed blazer with leather patches on the elbows, grabs a handy pointer and a slender reed of chalk, steps to the nearest old school blackboard, and launches effortlessly into the finer points of factorials, polar coordinates, or whatever the algebraic topic of the day may be.

My math mammal's name is The Professor, and thanks to him, my head always stays in the game. 

Friday, January 22, 2021

2018 Ornament Of The Year

Here's a Christmas riddle for you: What's festive and bright, squishably soft and jingles when you shake it?

No, not Santa.

Or even one of his elves.

But if you guessed my 2018 Ornament of the Year, you are exactly right.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1eCazcecp3zF6A24AqAQpINZGhKcnYibd
As far as I'm concerned, pink and gold are Christmas colors. 

For the past couple years, my annual holiday creations have been trending toward the sharp and pointy, so I decided to go in a completely different direction.

Not only are pom-poms gentle and friendly, they can be created in a variety of colors and sizes.
Plus they are universally adored.

Just like Santa.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1l0xaZojGVflANxEJdgkzV72FQMm7f0Dg
But I'll never say no to red.

Here's one way to make a pom-pom ornament. 

You cut a piece of cardboard about three inches wide.
Then you get some yard. 
And you begin to wrap the yard around the cardboard.

You wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap.

Stop for a moment. Wiggle your fingers and take a new grasp on the cardboard, and then begin again.

Wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap
And wrap and wrap and wrap.

Go around about fifty times. 

Here comes the tricky part. Slide all the wrapped yard off the cardboard into a neat little heap, then quick-quick, before it falls apart, tie another little bit of yard around the middle tight-tight. Thread a silver jingle bell onto a loose end and knot it again to make a loop for hanging. 

Trim the ends of the loop and fluff your creation into a proper pom-pom.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1aUzSUAT0UVLoy40Ma2HRk3YKIKwQwUjT
Wrapping my ornaments is half the fun, and I try to make every year's packaging different. 
I'm not sure why I insist on making life so difficult. 

I followed this procedure for approximately ten pom-poms and then I was ready to scream. 

Desperate for an alternative strategy, I leaped in my car and dashed down to the craft store where I picked up a set of plastic pom-pom makers and brought them home to give them a whirl.

My other idea was to hire an army of pom-pom-making elves but thankfully, the plastic pom-pom makers worked like a dream.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1nK5mV8o0kt4ffHIeH2p2FRZUUBEkd4gZ
Packed up and ready for travel. Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!

And so my 2018 Ornament of the Year story ends happy. 

I gleefully whipped up dozens of jolly pom-poms, mailed them far and wide, and as I walked out of the post office after the last batch of shipments and hopped into my car, felt just like Santa heading back to the North Pole after his annual sleigh ride around the world. 

And if you'd been there, you'd have heard me exclaim as I drove out of sight,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

P.S. Which reminds me of another good Christmas riddle.

Question: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Answer: (scroll to the end of the post)


* * * * *

For more Ornament of the Year posts, check these out:


* * * * *

Nothing. He got it on the house.