Most books I read are from the library. Sometimes I'll happen across some gems at the thrift store and happily snap them up. Then there are the times when I read something I love and after I'm finished, decide that I truly must own my own copy; that's when I head to bookshop.org. So rare indeed are the moments that I wander into a real life bookstore and simply indulge myself in new, untested books.
But one afternoon while I was visiting my daughter in Columbus, I found myself browsing around the books at Target and decided on a whim to treat myself. I asked my daughter if she had any recommends, and she immediately took me up on the challenge. A few minutes later, I walked out the door as the proud new owner of the first three books to which my daughter steered me. It was great fun.
I read the books during the rest of my week in Ohio.
I read them on the plane.
I read them when I got back home.
The first book I left behind for my daughter to read.
The second book I liked so much that I kept this copy and bought another for her to keep.
The third book I shared with her when she came to visit me here in Seattle.
And now, I will share them with you.
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The Paper Palace | Miranda Cowley Heller
This is the story of a single day. This is the story of a lifetime. Elle is a happily married fifty-something mother of three and her family is spending the summer as usual at their cabin in Maine. But the night before our story begins, she has a life-changing moment with a dear childhood friend; suddenly she confronts the idea of throwing away her old life and beginning again with Ben. As the hours of this day tick by, those chapters are interwoven with rich years of backstory. Spoilers: there are a number of plot lines that involve sexual abuse and sexual violence, but those dark moments are crucial for setting up the dilemma in which Elle finds herself. At the end of the day, Elle makes her decision and we, her readers, are left to ponder how it could ever be possible to measure the secrets of another person's heart.
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I am a self-avowed lake lady. I grew up on a small lake in southeastern Michigan, a free-spirited child who walked in the woods and swam in the lake all day every day. So I quickly connected with our protagonist, Elle, whose childhood spent at the Paper Palace - her family's ramshackle cottage on a Maine lake - felt very much like mine. We both love the morning sun creating shadows across the rippling water, the silky smooth water slipping over our skin as we swim, the luxurious warmth of the sun as we lie dripping wet on a towel. We are kindreds, Elle and I.
"There are two things in life you never regret - a baby and a swim."
Sadly, there are deep undercurrents of pain in Elle's story. Her experiences of sexual abuse and sexual violence make my stomach twist, and honestly, I found them very difficult to read, not because they are sensationalized or gory but because they are written in a straightforward, matter of fact way that makes them feel all that much more believable. These events are necessary for the story to be told, but - like so many sad things in life - I wish they did not need to be so.
"We drag our past behind us like a weight; still shackled but far enough back that we never have to see, never have to openly acknowledge who we once were."
But despite our differences, I relate to Elle. I haven't faced as dramatic a crossroads as she, but I do know exactly what it's like to blink your eyes and suddenly find yourself in the middle of your life, and wonder how on earth you made the decisions that led you to this place. And I understand the cost of letting go of what you have but also the deep mystery of what else there might be for you to experience in life. I can relate to Elle's conundrum.
"There are some swims that you do regret. The problem is, you never know until you take them."
One more very interesting thing about this book is that while the author thought she was writing a clear and unambiguous ending, her readers disagree. There's a treasure trove of alternative endings - reader-submitted explanations of how Elle's final words and actions may be interpreted in a number of different ways. To her credit, the author has embraced the alternative ideas and publicly pondered what a mystical thing it is to tell a story.
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Read the story of my first trip since Covid to visit my daughter in Ohio, told from finish to start.
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Hey! Wanna read more about the books I've read in 2022? Check these out"
The Vanishing Half
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For a full list of books I've read in the past few years, click here:
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