When I Eat A Bagel

"There's no sincerer love than the love of food." -George Bernard Shaw

I don't eat many bagels but when I do, I go hard.

Give me a basic Everything bagel - I appreciate a finely crafted bagel but I'll happily settle for a grocery store version. And, you know, if I'm really roughing it, I can make do with a plain bagel topped with Everything seasoning from TJs. The add-on seasoning is a tad saltier than I like but, as I said, in a pinch I can make it work.

What is essential for my bagel happiness is a one-two punch of dairy. First, butter. Chunks from a cold stick of  sweet creamy butter, straight from the fridge. No, cold butter won't spread as nicely as room temperature, which I also have at my disposal. But when those cold chunks of butter hit that toasted bagel - did I mention that I toast my bagels? I do! - the warm bread melts some but not all of the butter. That mix of warm and cold is crucial to my bagel happiness index. 

And now, quickly, before the butter melts completely, I slather on a generous layer of cream cheese. By cream cheese, I mean basic, unflavored Philadephia and while I'm not adverse to the whipped kind, what I really like is to cut fat wedges from an old school block of cream cheese. There's something profoundly satisfying in peeling back that weirdly textured foil and sliding my table knife - probably still dripping with butter - into that soft white rectangle of goodness. I smother the bagel and melting butter chunks with a thick layer of the cream cheese, working quickly because this entire process is a race against time with that cold/hot butter situation. No need to fuss over my knife work because the entire concoction tastes best when it's a bit lumpy and uneven.

Quick. I lay down the knife, lean over the plate, and sink my teeth into this crunchy, creamy, spicy, smooth, warm, cold slice of heaven. Take big bites, in order to get a nice combo of butter and cream cheese in every bite. Savor every morsel, but work fast because this delicate balance of deliciousness will not last long.

And when every bite is gone, I lick my fingers, groan with satisfaction, and thank my lucky stars that every now and then, I eat a bagel.