You Belong With Me

^ I mean, wearing stuffed animals on your feet isn't exactly Bright and Shiny behavior, 

but I found a guy who appreciates me for exactly who I am.

I'm standing in the pasta aisle at the grocery store, mulling over my gluten-free shape options and tapping my toe to the catchy beat playing overhead when I suddenly realize tears are streaming down my face and dripping off my chin. 

What the actual heck is going on here?

And then the correct synapses snap into place and I put the pieces together.

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along so why can't you see

You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door

All this time, how could you not know, baby

You belong with me, you belong with me.

Uh oh. Taylor Swift's angsty teenage love song is making me cry. 

Which is weird because I'm not a Swiftie. And I'm not a crier.

So what's going on here?

This song has always tapped deep into the heart of my teenage emotions. I was that girl who was friends with the boys, and while I knew what we had was genuine and true, there were times when I wished that one or another of them would see how perfect we were together, and take our friendship to a different level.

But I realized at a very tender age that many men - many many men - suffer from what I call Bright and Shiny Syndrome. They are attracted to females who use shakes and shimmies, peals of laughter, hair flips, and a not-so-subtle blend of flirting and fawning to draw these men in. And sadly, these men are so dazzled by the Bright and Shiny ladies that they often overlook the other women in their lives who may actually be a much better fit for them in the long run. 

To be fair, I really don't blame the Bright and Shiny girls for doing what they do. Unarguably, their strategies work. And I can hardly blame the men - especially the teenage man-boys - because they really have no idea how effortlessly their attention can be shifted away from all the other girls to the irresistible forces of the Bright and Shiny types. 

But it was heartbreakingly hard for me to be that often-overlooked teenage girl who cried her own version of You Belong To Me out to the night skies over her fair share of distracted teenage boys. 

Still, those days were a long, long time ago. It's been decades since I learned how to put just enough tinsel on the tree to attract the right kind of attention. So why was Taylor making me cry?

There's another layer to this story. 

* * * * *

Last week, I went for a walk with neighbor of mine. Let's call her Betsy. Betsy was struggling with a devastating decision. She'd gone out for coffee that morning, and caught a glimpse of her sister Jenny's husband Todd, who was sitting across the room in the same coffee shop with a woman who was most definitely not Jenny. This woman looked to be about college age, as opposed to Todd's mid-forties, and they were giggling, nuzzling, holding hands. They were not behaving as any platonic friends would behave. Stunned and sickened, Betsy slipped out the door and bought her coffee elsewhere. But not without snapping an incriminating photo. 

Now, as we walked through the morning's snow flurries, Betsy was trying to decide what to do with her newfound knowledge. She could show and tell Jenny what she saw, and almost certainly blow up their otherwise happy and functional marriage. Or Betsy could keep her mouth shut, allow Jenny to live in the bliss of ignorance, and trust that sooner or later, Todd would either confess, get caught (again), or stop his idiotic behavior. White flakes filled the sky as Betsy cycled endlessly through the pros and cons, imagining what she would want if this were happening to her, and bemoaning the fact that she'd come to witness this folly in the first place. 

As I listened to Betsy talk, I watched the soft clusters of snowflakes drift onto my red ski jacket only to be blown off by the gentle winds swirling around us. And this is what I was thinking.

Todd had fallen under the spell of a Bright and Shiny lady. Shoot, this young woman didn't even have to make an effort to be Bright and Shiny; she's likely less than half his age; probably free, unencumbered, and filled with the lively spirit of youth; apparently lit up by his practiced wit and the tousle of his only slightly grayed hair. I've known Todd for longer than I've known Betsy and Jenny, and it's only fair to say that he's otherwise a stand-up human being and an all-around good guy. I had not seen this coming. 

But all the same, it was happening. Jenny, poor Jenny, was perhaps about to be thrust into the role of the overlooked woman. For almost two decades, she'd been there for Todd, steady and reliable, and her heart would surely break to hear that her husband was, at least temporarily, turning his back on her steadfast love.

And this is why my heart broke when, standing with a box of large elbows in my hand, I heard Taylor sing.

Dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find

That what you're looking for has been here the whole time. 

* * * * *

I don't have any neat way to wrap this story up.

I'm not sure what Betsy, Jenny or Todd will do next.

Don't know if there will be a happy ending for them or not. 

I also have serious doubts that most teenage boys will ever learn to look beyond the Bright and Shiny ladies of the world and notice the wonderful girls who are already standing right in front of them, hoping to be noticed for who they are. 

Seriously doubt that that will ever happen,.

And that's why we need music, music that speaks to the tender places of our souls, to help us remember the truth about this life we live together. 

Even when we're standing in the pasta aisle. 

* * * * *

Go here to watch the music video for Taylor's You Belong To Me.