I know. When people offer to tell me their dreams, I usually want to run far, far away. I promise to keep this retellling short and to-the-point.
In my dream, my fourth-born was a baby again
She was at that cute and cuddly phase, around four months old, when she was smiling like a champ, happy and cooing, and delightfully easy to live with. In other words, she was in one of those stages when every mother wishes she could freeze time and keep her baby this way forever.
Now here's where it gets weird.
My baby spoke to me - telepathically, I suppose - and told me that she would like to be a pig.
She said to me, "I think it would be interesting to be a pig."
And when I protested that she was my little girl and I would never want to change her, she rationally replied, "But you already have three daughters so you really don't need another. And if I was your pig, I would never grow up and leave you. I could stay here and be your pet forever."
I could not disagree with her logic. And I loved the idea of keeping her with me forever.
So. I turned her into a pig.
Quickly scroll back and forth between these two photos to simulate my dream-world transformation.
Yep. One minute, I was cradling in my arms my precious baby girl with her rosy cheeks and head of dark curls. And then, in a snap, the figure inside the tiny clothes morphed into a pretty, pink, curly-tailed pig.
Instantly, regret consumed me.
I realized in a flash how foolish I had been. For my own selfish reasons, I had destroyed my daughter's destiny and squandered her potential. Her only future now was to grow into a big, fat sow and walk with me at the end of a leash. I was overcome with grief and horrified at my short-sighted ignorance.
End of dream.
* * * * *
I woke up in agony. It took me a few moments to recollect myself and remember that this was just a dream, though a profoundly disturbing one at that. Even so, I did not need Dr. Freud to break it down for me.
Yes, I do miss my fourth-born while she is away at college. As my youngest, and as the daughter who was last to leave the nest, I feel her physical absence more acutely than I do when my other three are away. To be perfectly honest, there is a big part of me that wishes she would come back and be my baby forever.
But I guess my psyche needed a firm reminder that this longing is folly.
Okay, brain. I get your point.
From now on, I will be very careful about what I wish for.
My daughter is alive and well and currently living out her dreams in Tucson, Arizona.
And I'm happy to report that she is not a pig.